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i feel like I lost a lot of my purity that I had when I left high school. is there any way for me to get that back? I don’t want to get married and feel like the “smooth” (translate to another word that wont go through here) one
Discard the immorality that caused the loss. (That;s what sounds like being referred to.) Repentance is always accepted in heaven.
Where are you now? Post sem? Pre-sem?
Join the club. You wont get it back, whats done is done. If you have really done something wrong do teshuva on it but your innocents? you cant get that back.
Another thing, I’m a little confused between the first half of your paragraph and the second. In the first part you say,
“i feel like I lost a lot of my purity that I had when I left high school. is there any way for me to get that back?”
To me that sounds like you regret what you’ve done and you miss your innocents. Then you go on to say,
“I don’t want to get married and feel like the “smooth” (translate to another word that wont go through here) one”
That sounds like you dont regret what youve done and are happy youve “dirtied” yourself up because you dont want to be innocent. Conflicted?
Use Ivory soap. Even if you don’t get fully pure, at least you will be 99.44% pure!
Seriously, I have no clue what you are talking about.
A well-known quote, and a lesson for life: You can delete your cookies, but you can never delete your memories.
this thread is a fascinating experiment
lets see how long a number of different people can carry on a conversation, wherein each participant is talking about something else and there is really no consensus about what the subject of conversation is.
i think the quote is:
“you can delete your cookies, and you can delete your friends, but you cant delete your friends cookies”
Hi adorable: You wrote: “I dont want to go back because as you all said what is done is done. but I would not like to “dirty” myself anymore.”
But earlier you wrote: “I made up my mind not to go onto those sites anymore online so there is no “new” info coming in to me, but its still all there!”
The two seem to conflict. What are you trying to accomplish?
in this case that’s obvious; but, the truth is we often do this in real life and don’t even realize it. 😉
adorable – it could be that you’ve been on the cr and exposed yourself to the fact that there are divorced people and OTD kids; it could be you’ve seen a Disney movie, or it could be other stuff – and we have absolutely no clue.
and we’re not even sure if you regret doing it.
not interested in what you did or didn’t do, but there is a concept of teshuvah.
Do you think my OP was really that unclear.
It’s unclear to me as well. Of course, I’m as dumb as a stump, so that’s natural. But if it’s also unclear to someone as smart as Mod-80, I don’t feel as bad about not getting it.
Can you please clarify what it is, exactly, we’re talking about?
The Wolf
this thread is a fascinating experiment
lets see how long a number of different people can carry on a conversation, wherein each participant is talking about something else and there is really no consensus about what the subject of conversation is.
Cookies? What Flavor? 😉
80
If youve been there you know what she is talking about.
exposed yourself to the fact that there are divorced people and OTD kids
Considering the fact that I was born OTD and that my parents are divorced (and hence I’ve been exposed to those concepts since birth), I guess I’m hopelessly corrupted. 🙁
The Wolf
What I find funny, is the “unpure” state in which you think you (and 98% of post-Sem girls) now is your peckle, is for the most part, pure as pure can be.
Here’s a shocker: Contrary to what they taught you in Sem, considering a WORKING boy is not the same as considering a catholic. And while wanting the nice things in life (clothing, a home, vacations) can lead to excess, its not from the 248 donts, or is it from the big 3.
Calm down; if you are asking a question like this, you have’nt scratched the surface of evil.
I’m also pretty confused, but I’d really like to understand because this is an important topic.
The OP is a woman, so I don’t either understand what she means. But for a man its easily understandble that sins comitted during adolescent years can permanently damage his yiras shamayim for lifetime.
in this case that’s obvious; but, the truth is we often do this in real life and don’t even realize it. 😉
this was in response to mod. 80 – i didn’t yet see adorable and pac man’s post.
You wont get it back, whats done is done.
I disagree. The highest level of teshuva completely cleanses, and any amount of teshuva cleanses to some degree; the more the teshuva, the more clean.
Time also heals to some extent, if there are no relapses.
*eyeroll*
Is everyone being thick on purpose or do you really need everything S-P-E-L-L-E-D out for you?
DY
Does it erase memories?
Adorable, I disagree with Sac, honestly forget about the past. Today is a new day and you have learned something about yourself. Hold on to that and keep working on your connection with Hashem and your emunah and bitachon will get stronger. Honestly, Hashem has entrusted the most secretive of all mitzvos to women. We are the ones who he trusts to know and understand that we always stand before Hashem and he is watching us. Therefore our mitzvos are “private”. We are the keepers of the future. We are the Mothers of the Nation because Hashem trusts US. So honey no matter what it was close the curtain on it and shut the door. Do whatever is necessary to not only not go back there literally but figuratively. Stop thinking about what you did and stop worrying about it. Say to Hashem “Chatati, salach li, I learned not to do it and I know better now. Dai v’kayam!”
Instead of worrying about what you did wrong that hurt no one but yourself, think about what you can do right. OK? Have a positive attitude, thank Hashem for his blessings and the ones he bestowed upon you, and go out and do mitzvos with happiness and joy. My bracha to you is that you should always enjoy the mitzva of doing mitzvos and with each mitzva you should grow stronger in both emunah and bitachon as you get closer to Hashem.
“this thread is a fascinating experiment
lets see how long a number of different people can carry on a conversation, wherein each participant is talking about something else and there is really no consensus about what the subject of conversation is.”
there is nothing wrong with wearing blue jeans, you can still be frum and wear them….
Is everyone being thick on purpose or do you really need everything S-P-E-L-L-E-D out for you?
Based on the responses, I suppose the L-A-T-T-E-R.
The Wolf
Sac –
I’m fairly savvy, but in this case, I have a difficult time imagining what in the world a 20-something good bas yisroel could have done that makes her think she is sullied.
C’mon, folks. Guilt is good to a point. It helps you grow and keeps you humble. But don’t let it drag you down.
aries
I never said that she cant be attain a high level. What is that chazal about Baalei Teshuva being in a place where Tzadikim cant reach? I just pointed out that once you are exposed to certain things you cant bleach your eyeballs and just forget them.
the wolf: you can’t be born OTD. thus, what you are saying is that you are a ba’al teshuvah. and of this it says, ????? ????? ????? ?????? ??? ?????? ?????? ?????? ?????
…. which brings us back to the OP – we do have a concept of teshuvah; and, i think, over time, some things are even forgotten and/or not as clear.
Surely there is Teshuva, but innocence doesn’t come back. However, your new job is to advance from here. Don’t harp on the past. Pretend you were born with all that in your head. You’ll get married and rise above it.
adorable
innocent is a much clearer term
although i dont know the specifics, now i know what youre talking about
but please no more all-caps
bpt
If you really think that your children will never be exposed to things/expose themselves to things because they are ‘good Bais Yaakov girls’ wake up. Fast.
yid
Reading comprehension. Its called word clues. You learn it in 3rd grade.
binah/haleivi
There we go.
Before I left Yeshiva in Israel one piece of insight that I was told really stuck with me. If I was not prepared to leave, Hashem would not let me. That does not mean that I cannot fail, but it means I have the tools to rise above.
If Hashem put you to the test of the internet etc, even if you failed, know you possess the wherewithal to succeed and fulfill your tafkid. Everything in goes in cycles, you had a rough patch, now take the experience, grow from it, feel a renewed sense of conviction not to fail and to savor the glimpses of purity you feel from your yiddishkeit and IYH youll be a better, stronger yid for it.
DY
Does it erase memories?
No, but that’s not a contradiction.
?????? ??? ??
? ???????????, ???????? ???????.
? ???????-?????? ????? ?????????, ?????????-???? ???-????-??????.
? ???????? ???????? ????????????; ?????? ?????????, ????? ????????.
? ???? (?????), ??????????? ??????????; ????????????? ?????????.
? ????-????????, ????? ?????; ??????????? ???????? ??????.
the wolf: you can’t be born OTD. thus, what you are saying is that you are a ba’al teshuvah.
I didn’t dispute the latter point, but your prior point is incorrect. I was, indeed, born OTD.
and of this it says, ????? ????? ????? ?????? ??? ?????? ?????? ?????? ?????
That wasn’t said about what we commonly refer to as “ba’alei teshuva” today. But that aside, even if it does, it doesn’t apply to me as no one would want to stand where I stand anyway.
And adorable, I agree with Mod-80 (not that he needs someone like me to agree with him)… please, no more ALL CAPS.
The Wolf
Sacrilege, an eye bleaching is not necessary when you close your heart and deny your taivos to those things. When you cut it out of your life it is over and it can stay that way. Occupying yourself with chessed and mitzvos and reminding yourself that you always stand before Melech Malchei Hamelachim is the way to stay on the right track.
adorable
You can never go back to that innocence level that you had during H.S./Sem; but you can be on a higher level in a different way. Just cause you have seen things you wish you hadn’t (and once images are there, they are there), doesn’t mean you will stay on that level forever. This is what life’s about: struggling, and fighting your way through so that you come out on top. As an innocent child/teenager, you haven’t experienced life & its’ difficulties & temptations, so your spiritual level is not based on personal struggles. Once you have made mistakes & force yourself to rise above them & focus on what positive things you can do, you become a much stronger person, because you have actually struggled through it. Don’t get caught in the yetzer harah’s web of look-what-i’ve-done-i’ll-never-be-good-again etc, because it’s just a trap to make you feel bad about yourself. Focus on the good parts of yourself & the good things you’ve done & can do, and iyH you will succeed.
“bpt
If you really think that your children will never be exposed to things/expose themselves to things because they are ‘good Bais Yaakov girls’ wake up. Fast.”
Agree with Sac. There is a wide world out there which a lot of people -including many typical looking bais yaakov girls -get trapped in. Don’t be naive.
“wake up. Fast.”
<eyeroll>
Yes. I know that. And speaking as someone who has seen many things that he should not have, I know that you can’t bleach away every memory. And I know that those things can be very troubling. And are very wrong.
But I also know that to a 20 year old, it seems like the only option is to take a serial killer as a spouse, (or in some cases, do something worse) because they don’t “deserve” a ben torah because of “what they did”.
Like I said, guilt and regret is a good thing, in small doses. No one benefits from getting into a state of depression. That’s one of the Soton’s favorite tools, because it looks and feels like mussar at work.
Like I said, Adorable. Look forward, not back. Your future is ahead of you. And from what you’ve written so far, it look very bright and promising!
If it disgusts you enough, eventually it will stop being part of you.
If you do teshuvah you are pure.
After seeing so much its hard to understand, but if you truly change yourself thats what happens- u change. Deeply. The point is not to stay pure. The point is to BE pure. Just BE- focus on now. Feeling guilty is only good when it leads you to do better. Dont feel sorry that u slid because it has the potential to turn you into a stronger and better person- better then the innocent girl u were in highschool. That is what life is about- facing real challenges and overcoming. And overcoming is what is valued. Not living in a bubble. Dont worry about your marriage. There is a time and a place for everything and it will make sense when you get there. Now just be the best u can- The harder the work, the more it is valued.
It was very brave of you to start this thread im sure the misstep was a one time thing and will not be repeated. As far as certain images staying with you this too shall pass.
” you are so naive “
“things we do, see and ppl we talk to”
ROLF LMHO.
Naive? If only!
” <eyeroll> “
I think I’m rubbing off on you 🙂
Everything someone goes through improves them. Think of this as a growth experience – of course you’d rather that it never happened but once it did – learn what you could and move on. You’ll be much stronger this way than having been innocent – at least you went through this now and you got over it already. Daven to Hashem to purify your neshama and don’t ever do anything “impure” again… hatzlacha!
adorable:
Please allow me my .5 cents
1) Remember ALWAYS ?? ??? ???? ???? ???? ????. An important lesson.
2) HaShem maybe wants your ????? of being ???? ???? more than ‘staying’ innocent. Now, that is. So the manner of your ????? has changed. A hard lesson passed on from great grandma – after partaking and inviting Adam. ?????? ???? ?????, a different job now.
3) From the ?”? ???? the second HaShem is refering to ???? ??? ??? ????? ?????, something to hold on to.
4) Be thankful you’re not a boy. Contrary to what you wrote, in a boy it stays SEARED in mind and heart, way more than girls. Maybe they can cover it up by changing Yeshivos etc.., but unless real effort is in place, it’s just a cover-up. Contrary to what someone else wrote, a lot less affects females than males. He entrusted theses taavos to one side of humanity exclusively, for them to be ???? on it. While ideas linger more in females’ minds, a LOT MORE goes on in a male’s mind. And heart – body.
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