A few more points
Sacrilege – I’m sorry to keep rebutting your points; it’s nothing personal or perhaps it’s because you make good points that press all my sensitive buttons. Yes, it IS very difficult to keep proper kibud av v’em from far away. Regarding your point about making kids suffer, people had asked “What are we doing TO our kids” whereas we felt we are doing this FOR our kids. Yes there were hardships in many senses – financial, religious, educational, and the results have been mixed – but we don’t know what the results would have been had we stayed in the US – we left just before the OTD phenomenon really took off in the US. The move in general and the specific difficulties in general do present a challenge for kids who move here. In the end, some of our kids definitely turned out stronger in frumkeit and educationally than they would have been in the US. Some came here at too early an age to know how they would have been had we stayed there. But I think that part of the problem is that if parents come here with an attitude of expecting suffering instead of stressing the zechus of being here and all the positive things, that definitely gets picked up by the kids. We did not come with a Zionist perspective but to be honest I somewhat envied other people who came here with that perspective, because it was easier for them to fit in – they didn’t have to change to fit into society the way the American yeshivish people have to change to fit into Israeli Chareidi society. Also, because the chareidi schools are very anti the general society, the kids who come from the US and enter the schools wonder, “If it’s so bad, why did my family bring me here?” Which is a valid question on their part. It is a challenge to help them see the positive parts of Eretz Yisrael even though it is not yet in its perfected state (I don’t mean State but state as in condition)when Moshiach will come.
Gavra – thanks for bringing the direct quote
SJS – you hit the nail on the head with your description of us not exactly fitting in. I think part of the problem is that in the U.S., especially out of town, the schools are more heterogeneous so there will always be some people a little more to the right and some a little more to the left but overall everyone more or less fits in and is comfortable with themselves in the broader group and with the other people in the group. But davka the large number of schools to choose from (if they will accept you) makes each group more narrow and therefore it is hard to fit in 100% in any particular school; the best choice might be about 20% off of where you are holding and that 20% can make you stick out like a sore thumb.
Saftala- I think if we would know each other we would be good friends. Getting back to answer your original question, I’d like to give a more philosophical answer. When we first raised the question of moving to Eretz Yisrael with our Rav in the U.S., he mentioned the concept of some people being Bnei Eretz Yisrael and some are Bnei Chutz La’aretz. He explained that some people’s neshamos have a need to be in Eretz Yisrael or else they do not feel spiritual fulfillment. Others find their spiritual fulfillment in Chutz Laaretz because their neshamos are Bnei Chutz Laaretz. I have often wondered, do I deserve special credit for wanting to come and being determined enough to make it work despite all the challenges, or is it total help from Hashem. Am I better than others because I wanted to come, or not. I have many friends who I would describe as much frummer than me and yet they are not here and do not have a strong desire theoretically or practically to be here. I think that our Rav’s explanation helps explain why I am here and others are not and can help me understand others without feeling superior to them. I think that because I have a neshama that is connected to Eretz Yisrael, Hashem put the will into my mind and heart, and the determination and willingness to come here and endure all the challenges and actually love it. I am not claiming credit for this, but I am grateful that Hashem has put me into this category. I think, Saftala, that those with this type of neshama want to come here, while those who weren’t given this, do not. It’s very hard for the two types of neshamos to relate to each other, because the chutz la’aretz neshamos think we’re a little crazy, and the Eretz Yisrael neshamos think the chutz la’aretz neshamos are missing some key elements (unless we just accept each other with our different make-up, tafkid, etc.). I guess the bottom line is that we have to analyze ourselves to see what type of neshama we have, what do the other members of our family have (i.e., is Eretz Yisrael compatible with their neshama/emotional make-up),and not be judgmental of people who are of the other type.