MP
You are speaking from the heart, ????? ??????? ?? ??? ?????? ??? ???. You’re obviously pained about it, and ???? ??? ??? ??????.
You do not sound arrogant or rude, just pained.
Without knowing details of your situation, just know that your family would have had to endure incredible media exposure and loss of privacy (besides murder)to obtain the level of giving that is currently taking place. Would you have been ready for that?
Are there other times when you have felt that others received more than you? Please keep in mind that Hashem gives everyone what they need in the right time.