Really pained for you.
I strongly suggest you look into a frum support group for domestic abuse in your area.
As you indicate, your self-esteem has understandably suffered as a result of your spouse’s behavior, and you are going to need self-esteem AND support in order to make sound decisions.
And daven to Hashem that He should make it so clear to you what you should be doing.
Imach anochi b’tzaar
Hatzlacha