In short, I have not given up enough. I want my life and my soul to be a korban offering.
I think that this thought causes a lot of people to get depressed. Becoming frum is the realization that your Father is the King and He has all the money in the world. He’s inviting you to move in with Him. You don’t look at the porridge you used to eat and say, “well I used to make a really great porridge, its too bad I have to give it up now to eat thick steaks on gold plates with wine in crystal cups and decadent chocolate cake.”
Its brought down in seforim that after a tzaddik dies, the malachim bring his neshama to a mizbeach shel ma’alah and make him into a korban. Out job is to make ourselves into tzaddikim, the malachims’ job is to make us into korbanos for Hashem.
Bringing korbanos is an avodah. And the ikkur of any avodah is to do it besimcha, not b’inuy hanefesh. I suggest to anyone who feels this way, to speak with your rov or have your husband speak with his. Find a way to some extent do things that you enjoy in a kosher way. The yetzer hara’s biggest tool is to depress a person. Once you are besimcha you can and will reach madreigos that are above and beyond anything you’ve reached until now.