Adam, you say you are a closed person, so it must have been difficult for you to even open up here, so kudos for that. I am wondering if you ever went to the Yeshiva and told them outright “I paid full tuition when my salary and position allowed it. Now I have I have to admit that I have fallen on hard times and the expense of full tuition is breaking my back and putting a huge strain on my relationship with Hashem. The financial burdens is way too much for me to bear right now”. Please understand that for all the years that YOU and others pay full tuition you are carrying those who can’t. You are paying for your children plus extra for those who can’t afford it. When the tables turn for you, YOU have a right to say “I have paid my fare share plus up till now, at this point I am the one that needs the cushion”. So maybe that is the first place you need to go to ease the pressure. I am sure that when Hashem blesses you with an upswing you will once again do the right thing with “schar limud”.
As far as yiddishkeit and being Frum. Frumkeit has nothing to do with the cost of living. Yes “kosher” costs more but when you have less money you just adjust and learn to live with less. When you have to make adjustments in your life you realize that you didn’t really need as much as you had to begin with and you learn the values of “need” rather than “want”. It is a huge lesson in humility and Hashem has his reasons for teaching that to us.
Mazal and Bracha come from Hashem as does Parnasah. Why Hashem chooses who he gives what to, only he knows. Maybe it is the test of faith, how we accept what he gives us with a panim yafot? Do we accept the hardships with the same “thank you” as we accept the good times knowing that it all comes from Hashem with a reason? It is very difficult to do that I know, but then again WE are NOT in charge. Hashem is, and we get tested in many ways.
Adam, B”H you are only going through a monetary test and not a health issue. There are many wealthy individuals that Hashem tests with terrible health problems that their money can’t fix. If you, your wife and children are healthy b”h, and as you say are good kids that didn’t give you tzoris, hang in there, you will get through this rough monetary patch. Have faith and bitachon. Now is the time to strengthen your bitachon and NOT lose it. Turn more to Hashem and NOT away from him. Look to Hashem and let him know that you realize that it is a nisayon, a test and that you intend on passing it with flying colors.
Chein, that is a low blow. He never said anything about a wife and extravagant spending. Why would you say such a terrible thing? Why would you want to cook up a shalom bayis issue? Shame on you.