To adams and oomis and many of the other posters on this thread. I am humbled by all of you. I don’t think (in fact, I know) that I could put myself in your position. I thought that I have been through some hard times – both financially and personally – and yet they are peanuts compared to what you describe. And the fact that you did it (and continue to do it) for the sake of Yiddishkeit and your neshamas is far beyond my realm of knowledge and experience. Nobody that I have ever known has done such things for the sake of their religion. I thought it was tough when I paid tuition for one child and it was a drop in the bucket compared to what you pay. Yes, I have always given tzedaka, etc, but I really don’t think I have ever given until it “hurt”. Most of you know that spirituality and closeness to Judaism is something quite new to me, but I really don’t believe that I could ever do what all of you do and not grow to resent it. In many ways I am envious of you. oomis and aries you inspire more with each passing day. How I wish that I knew you in real life. adams, stick around here – you will get excellent advice and if things are continuing to be problematic for you – seek help from a therapist, a Rav or from both, if necessary. Asking for help is the hardest step and you have done that. I don’t say that it will be smooth sailing from the outset but you have begun a process that should bring you some help and resolution. Obviously, there are many directions that you can go from here, but deep down you know the one you should take and I think you are heading there now. Shabbat Shalom.
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