2cool: There are several different “classes” of drugs that are used to treat anxiety issues. It is quite possible that the drug(s) prescribed for you were not of the correct class to help your individual sort of anxiety (there are different forms of anxiety issues as well and to know which drug should be used, requires correct diagnosis of your type of anxiety). Now please don’t get anxious about what I just said! It is just a matter of finding a psychiatrist who can take care of your unique difficulty. Perhaps you can call ECHO for a referral. Also I believe very much in going to a Gadol for help, to give your name for Tefilla. (I understand that going to a Tzaddik may cause you anxiety, but it is worth it).
As far as getting to the root – it is very difficult to get to the root; the medical field has just NOT progressed in psychiatry as far as they have in other areas of medicine. There may be genetic factors which you can’t control, so it is very worthwhile to concentrate on treating the symptoms with medications and going for talk therapy to reteach you how to take on life’s situations so that they do not cause you as much distress.
I also think that it is very important to have something you love to do, which can be a “haven” or “sanctuary” of safety from anxiety. I won’t list all of the things that cause me anxiety (doing laundry, going shopping, driving – fearful of car trouble, accidents, tickets etc.), but for everything I have one answer: I know that I am going to have a Seder of learning Gemora that evening which slams the door shut on anxiety for the blissful hour I learn. Also, I can’t survive a day at work without constant listening to Miami Boy’s Choir (I was told by 2 Rabbonim that I can listen even during times of Aveilus (e.g. 3 weeks, the year after my father A”H passed away, since it is therapeutic)
I promised the “prayer” I wrote. Here it is:
Dear Father in Heaven, please embrace me and hold my hand for I have no one other than You to lead me
Overcome by anxiety, facing a brick wall ahead of me with nowhere to turn
I have so many tasks that I must fulfill, yet so many seem too overwhelming, like a lead brick on my arm
How will I go on, how will I muster the strength to do what I must do to keep my life from failing
When I drive a car, I fear crashing into the car ahead of me, flying through the windshield
The clock speeds ahead of me, yet I keep falling farther and farther behind on account of all the fear that stops me dead in my tracks
I keep dreaming of wonderful scenarios that would magically and wonderfully take me away from this madness of anxiety
Yet, the anxieties, like the spots on a leopard, keep coming back to me to haunt me in new scenes
I feel so much out of control, wondering whether life can ever go on in a near normal and smooth scenario
All I want to do is go to sleep, because then I am able to escape these cables of anxieties that ensnare me
Please release me from this dread, from the fear of the future and the lead bricks that lead me to a dead stop
Allow me to enjoy the things in life that you intended for us to enjoy, that are so locked up from me in my current state
Please enable the real me to emerge, so that the rest of the world can also get to enjoy the strengths you endowed me with
Perhaps I have been chosen by You to face these challenges so that I help bring strength to others in similar situations
I accept my role willingly and I offer myself as a sacrifice on Your altar to help bring solace to others
But please let me succeed to truly overcome my difficulties for only then will I be able to bring genuine inspiration to others
Please lead me out of this prison, our Dear Father, our Rock and our Light
My dear Father, sometimes I feel as if I need to pull off my own skin in order to get myself to do a task that is so onerous to me
Please give me the strength to overcome these difficulties
So that I may go forward in my life and fulfill the potential you endowed me with
That I may beam with happiness, self-fulfillment and confidence in such a way that others may derive joy and confidence from being with me
Please lift up my light , let the spirit in me fly high