2cool: I feel very much for your Tzuros and will be Mispallel for you. I strongly suggest that you should get to a Gadol to ask for an Eitzah and his Tefillos. Perhaps you can arrange to see the Noveminske Rebbe Shlita. He is a very sympathetic person; when I was a teenager in a psychiatric ward, he went to bat for me by speaking to my doctor to get leave permission for me to learn in a Beis HaMedrash (while I was an in-patient!). People also go to the Skvere Rebbe Shlita who is very knowledgeable in medical issues and he regularly recommends physicians for people in need. Do you mind me asking in which city you live – maybe someone can suggest a name of a mental health professional that has been sucessful in anxiety.
If you ever feel like harming yourself Chas V’Shalom, don’t wait another second – just get to a emergency room IMMEDIATELY – it may feel “stupid” to walk into a ER for something like this, but that is what they are there for. I took myself to an ER the Motzei Shabbos after I gave a Get to my ex-wife since I felt so awful and unstable that I feared I would harm myself and they were helpful.
May Hashem send His mercy to you and bring you a Refuah Sheleimah speedily. I am certain that when you find the right Shliach (i.e. the right doctor, hopefully very soon), with Hashem’s help, you will start to feel better.