Blabla, I really fell for you. I suffered terribly from an eating disorder and it took a long and hard journey to get over it.
The most important part of my recovery process was having a mentor, a nutrionist whom i felt comfortable with, and a psychologist whom I liked very much as well.
I believe you have the strength to do what it takes. Hang in there darling.I have some psychologists and nutritionists which I feel can be of help if I knew the area you lived in. It would also be my pleasure to help you myself if you can get in touch with me.
I feel all your pain, and hope you get out of this rut real soon.
Just two books I strongly recommend which helped me tremendously are:
1- Life without Ed – how one woman declared independence from her eating disorder and how you can too. written by Jenni Schaefer
2 – The rules of normal eating. written by Karen R. Koenig