Simple answer: Many (maybe most) people just do not understand how to deal with these situations properly – they have never gone through them themselves or worked closely to help those who have; they react impulsively without thinking things through. This goes for friends, neighbors, and yes, even people in positions of authority like rabbeim and roshei yeshiva (though generally rabbonim of a kehilla are far better at this since they must deal with their congregants as a whole – they don’t get to send them home after seder and let them be their parents’ problem). Simply put, oftentimes people do stupid things. It seems as though you have been subjected to this, and most unfortunately it came from those who you should be able to trust and work with.
I don’t know where you live, or whether your looking for some support and help, but I have quite a bit of experience in these metters, and if you’d like to contact the mods and get in contact with me, please please do so.
Kol tuv, and the best of luck to you! You are a wonderful person trying hard to do what’s right, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise – only you know how difficult your struggles are and how hard your trying; most everyone else is just looking at the outside.