Yentemonkey I really wish you much hatzlacha, and I know a lot of people that were able to pull thru in similar situations, and I think you can as well. You just have to believe in yourself, and take one step at a time and you can soon be a real Yirei Shamayim and make Hashem very proud. All the little things you do are very important and don’t get discouraged the way people look at you or judge you. You have to answer to Hashem at the end of the day, not anyone else, and Hashem knows where you’re holding spritually. And I definitely hear where your resentment is coming from and I personally wish I could change the entire yeshiva system. Don’t forget to ask Hashem for help!
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