Mommamia22 –
Please stop for a second and realize who you are. You are a beautiful bas Melech, daughter of the King, HaKadosh Baruch Hu. The Ribono Shel Olam chose you, specifically you, and placed you into this world. He is orchestrating every moment and every aspect of your life, constantly, to achieve the goal that only you can achieve. Everything experience that you’ve had – joy and heartbreak -all of it is from Hashem. And trust me, when you rejoice, Hashem rejoices with you, and when you cry, Hashem is crying with you. The important distinction to make is that when you cry, HaKadosh Baruch Hu gazes at you and says “My beautiful, sweet, pure daughter. My beloved. You mean everything in the world to Me. I created all of this for you, each individual grain of sand, each leaf upon the tree, each stone and each star, it was all for you. Right now I know how much it hurts you and I know it’s difficult, but trust Me, this is what’s best for you. Through these challenges – and I know they’re difficult and I know they’re many – you will grow as you need to and this is why I put you here.”
This knowledge is absolutely fundamental. What happens to us in our lives, all of it, comes from Hashem. We say every day in morning berachos “Baruch Atah H’ Elokaynu Melech Ha’olam sh’Asah li kol tzarki.” What’s the simple meaning? Hashem provides our needs – food, water, shelter, etc. What’s the deeper meaning? Sh’Asah Li (that which Hashem does for me), kol (all of it – pain, hurt, sorrow, misfortune), tzarki (is my need. It is necessary for me at this very moment).
I hope this provides you with some chizuk. By all means, please reply and we can talk more.
Kol D’aveed Rachmana, l’tov aveed – All that the Mericful One does, He does it for good