mommania, I wish that I could reach across the miles just to squeeze your hand and tell you that everything will be okay. I think that you need far more help and advice that we could or should be giving you. You need some professional help. Please start with your family doctor and get a complete medical checkup. Although you are struggling with many difficulties in your life, occasionally such feelings may be triggered by physical illness. Also speak to your doc about what is going on in your life and ask for a referral to a counsellor. Do you have any family members that you can confide in? Can you confide in your Rabbi or Rebbetzin? Just being able to talk things over with someone can often make your load a little lighter. You are dealing with some very serious issues and you cannot walk this road alone. Please seek some professional help. I am thinking about you and I can pray for you but I cannot help from such a great distance – nor am I qualified to do so.
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