“I’ll put it this way: If you think your spouse would reject you if she knew things about you, then she doesn’t really love you or respect you, she rejects you.”
That’s not true. They reject your DEED, not YOU.
“Agreed. Which is why you should not be afraid to tell her. Because if you are afraid to tell her, it means you think she does not only care about who you are inside.”
There’s no “fear”. I wouldn’t be afraid my husband would walk out on me if I told him my past. Nevertheless, there’s no reason to shake him up. Why bring up such painful memories? Those “things” are behind me. They’re not part of me anymore. I’ve done teshuva and constantly ask for mechila by selach lanu. Do you share with your husband your exact medical history? Pricesly when you had the flu, a cold or a virus? Why is this any different (if you’ve changed, that is).
“Besides, I don’t believe that things in your past have no influence on who you are. If you have overcome things and grown from them, they are part of you in that way.”
Absolutely. But why not let your spouse see that you’re mature and grew up? Why do they have to know the cause?