Toi, before I respond to your post I just wanna repeat what I wrote in my last post: I’m not saying that anyone who feels that they cannot or should not share past deeds that they aren’t proud of is wrong. It’s possible that for some people it’s just too embarrassing or scary to let their spouse see the ugly side of a past they’d much rather forget about.
I am simply saying, though, that I:
1. Wouldn’t risk having my husband find out on his own. You never know….
2. Can’t imagine myself being happyily married to a guy who I’m not comfortable enough with to share my past with. And that includes the bad and the ugly too. It’s over and gone but it’s a part of my life (and chances are it had a lot to do with becoming the person I am today) that I would need him to understand.
I took a minute to imagine the worst possible thing (actually, a few things came to mind),and I changed my mind about the waiting-till-after-marriage thing. I would definitely want to know before, so I can decide if I’m ready to share a life with this person. I understand that if it was me, I’d be very hurt if I was rejected because of a serious misdeed that I’ve already done Tshuva for, but I would also have to understand that actions have consequences. I would have to take responsiblity for my actions and that includes living with the consequences. This goes for the “worst things I can imagine”. But, again, that’s me. I’m not saying everyone should.