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thank you for your responses, it really means alot to me.
ayc – that’s actually an amazing response, thank you for posted it! It’s … reminding … that if you do what “you” want your following a different force, be it of yetzer hara, addiction, etc. the only REAL control is self control.
It’s just that – why bother? Who cares anyway?
Observanteen, yes, ~fed up~ sounds right. i’m finding it dif. to hold on!!!!!
i’m too shy to call my rav again, maybe i’ll wait a lil and see how it goes .. In this particular sport i’m not that upset over.. and just to clarify, i asked MY rav who knows me, and he did say it’s okay if it’d be hired out (but i couldn’t pull that one off.)
ZahavasDad maybe it’s also something like that i’m trying to balance with … just not literally in wearing a hat!
You’ve left me what to think about over shabbos! Thank you again!