Bombmaniac –
I’m so sorry for all the pain and anguish you have suffered at the hand of your mother. Know that you have soul-sisters out in the world who’s hearts are bleeding for you and are championing your courage to get on with your life and come out of your nightmarish ordeal as intact and as sane as possible.
No one can and should ever judge you and do not allow anyone to play those head games with you. If anyone ever gives you the line, “You know you should understand… blah, blah, blah, ” I’m sure you’ve heard it all from the well-intentioned, but clueless peanut gallery–tell them very nicely and calmly that when they will be in your shoes and in your identical situation if they think they could do it any better then let them.
I think the best thing that you could have done is to remove yourself from the toxic and dangerous environment you were in.
I hope you have a strong support system to lean on and someone who can be a nuturing, mother figure to you and shower you with all the love that you deserve.
Wishing you menuchas hanefesh and success in everything you do.