Reply To: help!!!!!!!!!!

bomb I’m like speechless!!!! I feel terrible that you had to go through something like that!!!!! You sound like you are a really strong person!!! That must of been terrible for you to go through!!!! Everyone above me said it better but that’s what I’m thinking.

So to respond to you – first off thanks so much for the advice, I assume it must be hard for you to relive those years and I really truly thank you!!!!!

So my friend, she did try living somewhere else but for certain reasons she cannot cut ties with her mother fully and although the situation was better when she lived somewhere else, for whatever reasons she is back at home and for many other reasons she doesn’t want to leave although I’ve told her again and again that she should get out. But she won’t.

“Your friend can develop problems of her own.”

We were talking about this how the children of abusers can turn into abusers themselves and all once they have kids. She realizes this and is getting help on that aspect.

“I can guess what those complicated reasons are because that’s why I never left my home.”

You probably can, on some levels and I don’t feel comfortable spilling her whole life story out, but there are other reasons because her whole life situation is a mess.

I don’t think her mother makes it up to her because I don’t think her mother even realizes she’s in the wrong. Her mother will say some stuff, punish her and then when she needs her to do something she’ll let go of the punishment but only with restrictions. From my understanding I don’t think her mother realizes that she’s ever wrong.

“Your friend can develop problems of her own.”

I think that she is aware of this, (at least in the sense that its much easier for kids of abusers to become abusive) because we spoke about that and she said she is getting help on that.

wow bomb!!!! I can’t even begin to imagine what life like that was like!!! Thank G-d her mother doesn’t physically abuse her but she does threaten her with physical stuff like no sheets and things. I totally agree with you (not that you need my agreement on the matter) that she needs to stand up for herself and not take the abuse. I have told her that again and again that she needs to stand up for herself and that is why her mother treats HER like garbage and not her sister, because her sister doesn’t take it and her mother is scared of losing her sister. Her mother knows that if she treats my friend’s sister terribly she will leave but she knows my friend won’t.

My friend though thinks (at least from what I figure) that if she doesn’t listen to her mother then she will get punished so it’s not worth it not to (did that make any sense?). Although now I think she is starting to realize that either way she’s going to get punished and she needs to stand up for herself and not listen to her mother because it won’t help her in the least bit.

Do you have any advice on how she can slowly distance herself from her mother emotionally (I don’t think they’re that close as it is). And I think she should talk to you 🙂 maybe she’ll listen to someone who’s been where she is but I doubt she will.

Also, besides having a shoulder to cry and hug on, is there anything else that your friends did that you helped the situation at all? Did they give advice that you didn’t want and the like and that got you upset….cuz I want to know also how to help her as a friend.

And thank you again for everything bomb – I really appreciate it.

and coffee addict – the likelihood of that happening is about as likely as hurricane irene not hitting the east coast, unfortunately.