Firstly, you can choose NOT to be their victim. I don’t remember how old you are, Can you tell us?
No wonder you feel so alone and isolated and can’t bring yourself to tell your parents thank you or that you love them. You should definitely find yourself a good friend and spend as little time as possible at home. What your parents choose to do to ruin their lives is NOT within your control. However, it is within your control what YOU choose to do with yours.
You can let your parents know in no uncertain terms that you do NOT wish to be a part of their arguments and that they should NOT count on you to take sides. They should kindly leave you out of it. If you don’t have the strength to say that outright, then write them each a letter and leave it where they can find it or write them a joint letter to “Dear Mommy and Tatty”. You can write something like the following:
It is very difficult for me to take the initiative and write this to you. You might not have noticed my struggles with all that is going on between the two of you. But what is going on between the two of you is affecting me negatively and I can’t stand it anymore. I don’t know whether or not you care about your marriage or not because it does not seem so from my perspective, but I care about my family and I don’t want to be dragged into it or be the scapegoat for everyone’s bad feelings and attitudes. I don’t deserve it and it is so unfair to me to be put through this. You are leaving me little choice but to go to a RAV to help me deal with the fall out. You have no idea or show little concern to what all this is doing to me, and believe me it is playing havoc with my life. So maybe the two of you can decide to work on begin a family together with me, or maybe we can figure out whom I can stay with so I won’t be negatively affected by what is going on between the two of you. I deserve to have a normal and happy life.
Thanks for listening.
Workinonit, this might be the wake up call they need to see the truth or the big elephant in the room that they are avoiding. The other part of it, is maybe you should talk to your Rav. Hatzlocha.