fighting.

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  • #599226
    workinonit
    Member

    my parents fight.. alot. its always puts me in a terrible mood and i can never get out of it, when they r angry with each other they usually end up taking their anger out on me.. im so sick of this i always just hide in my room and pretend like i cant hear anything. what should i do? im not talking to my parents bout this theyre very not the type, and im not talking to any1 else

    #806923
    bpt
    Participant

    Record them, and then play it back when they are calm, so they hear what you hear.

    Play it back to them separately, so they don’t start the fight again

    #806924
    workinonit
    Member

    its kind of disrespectful..

    #806925
    bpt
    Participant

    Perhaps. But in the meantime, you are suffering. And if you’re not the only child at home, they are suffering as well.

    Maybe you can record it and send it as an e-mail to them, with a note telling them how much you care about them, and why this is killing you.

    #806926
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Tell them to go to therapy.

    #806927
    workinonit
    Member

    they dont take me seriously about anything, its been like this ever since i can remember, which is 3 years old.. the damage is done alrdy.. i just cant take it anymore its just become annoying and depressing

    #806928
    deiyezooger
    Member

    Don’t try to fix them, it won’t work. Concentrate on youerself, make sure you don’t get draged down together with them. Be the best student/son/freind/sibling/employee and top of all eved hashem you can be and hopefully things will work out for you.

    #806929
    reba
    Member

    You need to speak this out with another member of your family so you can learn to deal with disagreements in a different way than your parents

    #806930
    sasson
    Member

    oysh, workinonit, what can i say? i’m so sorry that you’re going through that. i feel for you, as sadly i have the same sitch. it can get rough… do you have someone to talk to outside? it might help…

    pba-idk if you’re serious or trying to be funny, as this seems to be your standard response, but in no way whatsoever is this a joke i apologize if you meant it seriously, but life doesn’t work that way

    bpt-idk about workinonit’s sitch, but for me and for many others that i know, that won’t work

    #806931
    workinonit
    Member

    reba- dw im aware of what a healthy family is and looks like.. fortunately at a young age.. like 8.. i decided im gonna do the opposite as my parents.. unfortunetly i have the same anger issues as my parents but ive been working on them and ive made a promise to myself tht i cant do to others what they my parents did to me, i wont let it happen so i still have plenty of years ot work on it.. i mean i am just a teenager

    #806932
    WIY
    Member

    Workinonit

    Its not easy to get them to stop fighting and they may not stop just because it bothers you.

    For your own sake I would recommend you find someone to talk to as well as a place to spend time at because your home sounds like a toxic environment and if it hasn’t already ruined you it most certainly will over time with enough exposure.

    #806933
    aries2756
    Participant

    Firstly, you can choose NOT to be their victim. I don’t remember how old you are, Can you tell us?

    No wonder you feel so alone and isolated and can’t bring yourself to tell your parents thank you or that you love them. You should definitely find yourself a good friend and spend as little time as possible at home. What your parents choose to do to ruin their lives is NOT within your control. However, it is within your control what YOU choose to do with yours.

    You can let your parents know in no uncertain terms that you do NOT wish to be a part of their arguments and that they should NOT count on you to take sides. They should kindly leave you out of it. If you don’t have the strength to say that outright, then write them each a letter and leave it where they can find it or write them a joint letter to “Dear Mommy and Tatty”. You can write something like the following:

    It is very difficult for me to take the initiative and write this to you. You might not have noticed my struggles with all that is going on between the two of you. But what is going on between the two of you is affecting me negatively and I can’t stand it anymore. I don’t know whether or not you care about your marriage or not because it does not seem so from my perspective, but I care about my family and I don’t want to be dragged into it or be the scapegoat for everyone’s bad feelings and attitudes. I don’t deserve it and it is so unfair to me to be put through this. You are leaving me little choice but to go to a RAV to help me deal with the fall out. You have no idea or show little concern to what all this is doing to me, and believe me it is playing havoc with my life. So maybe the two of you can decide to work on begin a family together with me, or maybe we can figure out whom I can stay with so I won’t be negatively affected by what is going on between the two of you. I deserve to have a normal and happy life.

    Thanks for listening.

    Workinonit, this might be the wake up call they need to see the truth or the big elephant in the room that they are avoiding. The other part of it, is maybe you should talk to your Rav. Hatzlocha.

    #806934
    collegegrad
    Member

    Workingonit I have no idea how old you are or where you are from, but if appicable maybe think of moving out and getting your own place

    #806935
    GumBall
    Member

    Daven!! it ALWAYS helps!! ask Hashem to make peace in your house…i really feel for you….:(

    #806936
    workinonit
    Member

    i cant talk to a Rav.. if my parents knew.. idk what they would do, trust me it would just make matter a thousand times worse. also i rly wish i could get out of the house as much as possible but i live very far from every friend i have.. trust me if i could i would never be home but i dont have tht opportunity, but at least the good thing is my parents r usually neve rhome at the same time so it works out usually.. 🙂

    #806937
    aries2756
    Participant

    workinonit, that is so sad. So lets be friends. What is your favorite food? What is your favorite color? What is your favorite book? How old are you? Everyone, who wants to be friends with Work-in-progress?

    #806938
    The Best Bubby
    Participant

    I truly feel for you, as I had a student in the exact same position in one of my classes. I called in the parents and said that the child was suffering mental abuse. It was also affecting her relationships with other people and her schoolwork. The principal and deputy knew what I did and I had their support. All was documented, as by law. It was a wake up call for the parents to get help.

    Do make a tape, as BPT said. Your parents will not appreciate this in the beginning but,it must be done, for your sake and any other siblings.

    Aries gave you phenominal advice. Write them a letter and give them each a seperate letter.

    Maybe you can go away for shabbos to friends or relatives/grandparents. Get more involved in outside school activities, i.e. swimming, start a rosh chodesh drama club in school, an art class, choir. Keep busy doing chesed. Start a home economics class with baking to sell for snacks etc.

    We are all here for you in the CR. You just need to ask.

    May H’KBH grant you to have much koach, gevura, happiness, menuchas hanefesh ve guf and may you have much siyata dishmaya with much yiras shamayim, with much shalom and shalvah to guide you always on the right path and to make the right decisions kol yemay chayach! Amen!

    #806939
    bpt
    Participant

    The other thing you can do is show them the film clip of the father hitting his daughter at the Kosel. Show them what anger looks like when caught on film. (see post “this is going around the world”

    #806940
    aries2756
    Participant

    workinonit, I was thinking about you last night. You don’t hear it from your own parents so let me tell you. I LOVE YOU!!!!!! You are Hashem’s child and you deserve to be loved, so let me get on board by saying I LOVE YOU!!!! And I am sending you a huge cyber-hug ? HUGE CYBER HUG ? I hope you felt that because I squeezed as hard as I could. Anytime you need a hug or need to hear I love you, just let me know because I don’t have a problem saying it or meaning it.

    #806941
    yahud
    Member

    feeling for u , if it helps….

    #806942
    workinonit
    Member

    ha u guys ur rly sweet.. i mean rly dw bout it im learning to live with it and i can hide the damage its done rly rly well.. my parents actually saw tht video at the kosel and this is what i hate they act like such amazing ppl like oh my gosh tht terrible blah blah but in reality they do things just as bad and it just gets on my nerves that every1 thinks theyre such good people but if any1 lived in my house they would know the truth.. oh and i dont have any siblings at home so.. its just me 🙂

    #806943
    brotherofurs
    Participant

    workinonit i feel very bad for u :'( i hope it gets better in your home, did u try writing a letter yet?

    #806944
    amichai
    Participant

    workinonit, I am with you and will daven that things get better. some good suggestions were made, getting out if possible when both parents are home, library, park. and to have someone very trustworthy to speak to. the things you say to a teacher or rav, or confident, should never get back to your parents. hatzlocha.

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