Reply To: I wish I were a Talmud Chacham

I feel like you are all missing my point. You have been given a gift, an amazing gift that in many cases is taken for granted. WE were not entitled to that gift and I find that very sad because it is an amazing source for emunah and bitachon and absolute guide to live one’s life by and to assist others when they are floundering or can’t find their footing.

I have my set of tools, and they have been very helpful and very useful to me, B”H, of course with Hashem’s guidance and input. Believe me, there are times when I don’t know where some of the things I tell people come from, and I realize then that Hashem has put some amazing words of chizuk on my tongue, but to be able to reach into thin air and pull out a possuk, or a discussion on any given subject or issue and apply it to whatever is happening at the moment, is such an amazing gift. It is priceless and one must appreciate and sincerely admire the opportunity no matter what the Yeshiva experience was all about. The fact that men were given that opportunity is a priceless gift that should never be taken for granted.

I would like to give an example of Hashem’s words of chizuk. I was working on one of my suicide cases. A young woman of 21 years of age. I actually stopped her from swallowing a bottle of pills and called Hatzolah. I went with her to the hospital and stayed all night till she was admitted. She didn’t want to call her family and I had only met her that day. She was a friend of another young lady I knew.

I was visiting her in the Psych ward and asked her why she was attempting suicide. She kept telling me she wanted to die. I asked her give me a good reason. She didn’t understand why I cared so much but she knew that I did. So I told her, and I had know idea how this came to me. “So there you are climbing up the ladder to Shamayim, and Hashem reaches his hand over the top rung and shleps you over the top. You are now face to face and he says “Chani, what are you doing here?????” what are you going to tell him?”

She looks at me with a surprised face and starts blushing. She says, I will say “I wanted to meet you” so I said that Hashem would say “Good, now you met me, go back down you haven’t completed your tafkid on earth.”. She was so shocked, she was just staring at me. I was shocked as well. Then she started to smile and said she never thought about it that way.

She told me she wasn’t taking her medication but pretending to, and was saving them up to take all at once. I gave her a huge hug and told her I loved her and that I would come back in two days to check on her. I went to the desk and asked for the nurse and told her to check her room because she was stashing the medication. I got into my car and starting shaking and crying. And didn’t have a clue where that came from and why I said that.

Six months later I had the opportunity to meet her father. I had no clue who she was or who the family was. I only knew that her parents were divorced. When I met the father the first thing he said was thank you for saving my daughters life. I told him, that I was just a sheliach and Hashem was in charge. Then he asked me if he knew who he was. I told him I didn’t. He said he knew who I was. I was shocked. He told me that my father-in-law z”tl and his father z”tl were best friends. My spine turned to jelly, I almost fell through the floor.

When I left that apartment i went straight into my car. I couldn’t stop crying or shaking.