bombmaniac, thank you for the response, i appreciate you didn’t just “shoot me” that this must be what’s with me … 😉
Once a person is grown up and they start to understand what life is about, realising that we’re not here forever and seeing that once you take away all the thrill etc than the only thing there is, is connection to G-d, it becomes easier … i suppose there is a difference between knowing it and acting on the feeling! i don’t look at Judaism as only no’s, i never used to anyway, i think i’ve come to a point where i want to just have some of the things and i guess i’m trying to find who i really want to be in the future!! It’s hard, and i’m kinda just fed up with fighting and in the struggle i’m coming across all sorts of questions which i never did have in earlier years .
Always run with scissors fast – it’s almost that what i want to do! Let me try it all out and than feel that it’s only this! i have had times when i felt it strongly – it’s all emptiness, only connection is what counts! but still..
I don’t think it’s so much that i’m thinking “the grass is greener” as much as i want to see the beauty in yiddishkeit, and i want to have some of what they do, not nec. living there life… but maybe i’m just kidding myself 😉
WIY the shiur is just … the best!!! He’s the most amazing speaker and person and anybody who can go listen to him!!!!! I also heard part 2, it’s really something. Thank you for asking!