bombmaniac, you really write well, and i really appreciate your words as well as sharing your experience.
Sometimes i really wish i were able to share / ask / discuss just like you describe. It can really get so difficult at times!
Although i would really like to do so, i think that i have come to a see that it’s just me, only me. I can hear lots of things – and i should make an effort to hear more shiurim and read more books – but at the end of the day, regardless of anybody else, it’s just me, i have to live my life and i have to make the most of it.
There have been times when i have felt really desperate to talk to somebody and felt like i had nobody to turn to. It’s a very lonely feeling! Nobody cares, why bother?
And the answer is, because it’s MY life and it may be true that nobody cares but i have to care because i’m the only one losing out. Yes, it can be difficult to care too..
Self identity, religious identity, etc it’s true i’m struggling but can anybody else really help me?
i’m not sure i’ve been clear… sorry for the ramble!