A major goal in life should be that learning Torah and living Torah principles should be one and the same. ?? ????? ????? ??? ?????; it’s not just the learning Torah that’s the essential point but actually living it.
The principles espoused by your dear parents are clearly NOT Torah-based. Hashem erases His own name for the sake of shalom (sotah); that’s how much He values Shalom. Shalom is even one of Hashem’s names. Bentching ends with shalom, shmone esrei has it towards the end, kaddish…Hashem’s “signature” is shalom.
Another MAJOR Torah principle not being adhered to is lashon hara, rechilus, etc. There are MANY aveiros for each time something is being said.
Another Torah principle is that the way we treat others, Hashem will treat us. E.g., if we are judgmental of others, Hashem will be judgmental of us on ??? ????. Elul is a perfect time to show ???? ??????.
Remember that Rabbi Akiva’s very learned talmidim died because ??? ?????? ????? ?? ???, they didn’t give each other the proper respect. The behavior ??? ??? ????? counted by Hashem MORE than the amount of Torah they had amassed. ??? ???- the idea is to LIVE the Torah that we are learning.
???? was a brilliant Torah scholar, but ?????? was his downfall (no pun intended).
Even though ??? ???? was correct and should have married Yaakov immediately, she preserved a family member’s honor and gave her the ??????, and it was because OF THIS that Hashem listened to her when requesting compassion for Hashem’s children by the churban/golus. It was ROCHEL’s act of compassion towards a family member that appeased Hashem, not the myriads of Torah scholars and tzaddikim. Something to think about.
The Chofetz Chayim wouldn’t have been a good enough son-in-law for your parents, as the CC had a day job as a storekeeper. Dovid Hamelech wouldn’t have been a good enough son-in-law either, as he was a blue-collar shepherd from a VERY young age.
When your parents learn to see the GOOD qualities of their SIL and FOCUS on those, that’s when Hashem will focus on your parents’ good qualities. It’s also when Hashem will reward them for preserving peace in the family and not harboring resentment in their hearts.
Your father may even wish to become his SIL’s chavrusa for an hour or so, imparting his love for Torah in a positive way.
This situation is quite easy for all of us to see on the outside, as we posters seem to be of the same mind.
Sometimes when one is in a situation, it is harder to see the clarity as someone on the outside.
I do not believe you should look away from the situation. Tell your parents the ideas expressed by the posters in a letter. You should strongly consider speaking to the family rav and present the issue. Nipping the problem in the bud is MUCH better than letting the problem fester until it becomes much more difficult to repair ???.
????? ??? and please let us know how it’s going, if you can.