AYC, it is sad that you can’t fulfill her wish, but if it is out of your hands, try to put it aside for now and don’t put your efforts or thoughts into something that is not in your control. Try to concentrate on something that is within your control. When my aunt a”h was nifter I “needed” to do something to celebrate her life. She never married and therefor never had children, but I wanted to spread her good deeds and didn’t want her to be forgotten. I was very busy with her illness for an entire year, and then as soon as she was nifter I had a lot of time on my hands. I decided that since she had literally saved lives in Auschwitz I would work on saving neshomas and walked into an at-risk school and volunteered my time. That is how I started mentoring and eventually became a Life Coach. I then went out and bought a whole box of small Artscroll transliterate tehillim and put a label l’zecher nishmas Henya bas Zev inside and started handing them out to the kids I mentored.
AYC, i knew that this Yom Tov was going to be hard for me, but didn’t realize how hard. Last night I was hit with an attack. In the middle of the night I just started crying for my mom. For hours and I couldn’t stop. I had to go downstairs and hug a photo of the two of us to comfort myself and calm down. It really shook me up. I will never stop missing her or longing for her. That is different from mourning for her. I will have ups and downs, but she would never want me to crawl into her grave with her. So I have to honor her and respect her. Everything I do, I do so she would be proud of me. I talk to my grandchildren about her and say how happy Bobbi “M” would be to see what they wore right now, or love the picture they drew or whatever it is they did.
I will go the extra mile and do an extra chessed for someone l’zecher nishmas because it would please my mother that she taught me well.
If possible, you can donate a few Machzorim in her name for Yom Kippur. Anyone who forgot to bring their machzor before yom tov and finds it on the shelf will notice the label on the inside and read what your wrote about her and smile. That is a celebration of your friend’s life. You can sponsor a Rosh Chodesh shiur or a Shabbos afternoon shiur in her memory and speak about how special a person she was and what a special bond you shared before or after the shiur. There are many ways to celebrate a person’s memory. Hatzlocha!