The Chesed of the Ribbono Shel Olam is actually how we deal with death. It begins with the Shiva, shloshim etc. As the years distance us from the petira we feel a little better. Give yourself time and commit your feelings in a diary. I lost my baby brother about 10 years ago and my dad a little over 6 years. There is no rule book as to how you should feel, it is there and allow it to be there. This will ultimately assist your healing process. Acceptance is a huge part here. May the nifteres be a mailitz yoisher. A goed gebenchte year.
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