mommamia22, Obviously the Shalom Task Force was set up specifically for women in your situation and it is sad that no one has mentioned that to you before. If you are up to it, you might also try to get in touch with Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twersky who is the most supportive and understanding person and one who would give you expert advice. If possible you might try to read some of his books on the subject to also give you some chizuk and support. I am currently working on a case similar to yours and by no means is it a simple decision cut and dry. There is a lot involved and without a support system in place it is very difficult to stand up for oneself and make any sort of necessary change at all. But that does not mean that one shouldn’t stand up for themselves and do whatever is in their power to be treated appropriately and respectfully. It is a step by step process and building a support system is one of the steps.
So Mama, please do make the calls, read the books, do whatever you can do to secure for yourself and your children as normal and happy a life as possible. YOU deserve it, you don’t deserve to be anyone’s punching bag, anyone’s source for letting off steam, anyone’s slave or maid or servant. You are a partner in a marriage as a wife and as a mother and you should be treated with love, honor and respect.