I am 20 and have a sister who is 22. My sister was able to date right when she felt she was ready to start dating, because the one above her was married. It is not a rule in my house that I have to wait BUT when I got home from seminary I waited. All of my friends are dating, and many of my friends are even married… but I haven’t even started dating. It’s been more than a year since I’ve been home from seminary and from an outsider’s point of view I should start dating. I mean yes 20 sounds young but let’s get real here, in the circles I’m in girls start dating at 19, sometimes 18. People think “oh you’re sister is only 22, you should go out” but, they don’t realize she’s been dating for four very long years. Her good friends are married and many have kids. It’s torture. My sister told me to start dating but I am conflicted. I want to start but when I think about it, would I really feel happy if I got engaged before she did? Even if she seemed happy for me, inside the pain would be unbareable. On the other side though, if she knew I was waiting for her,she’d feel even more pressure so, I just keep telling her I’m not ready. But I’m not a niviyah and so I don’t know when my sister will get married (it should be soon iyH) and so realistically how long should I allow myself to wait for her??? but then the same thought comes to mind that even if she chas veshalom was single when she was 27 and i was 25, would I really be happy if i got engaged before her? no. my simcha wouldnt be the same because I would feel the pain for her. So yes YOYA it’s easy to jump and say that (and it could very possibly be your in the same situation as me or you’re the older sibling in this situation), but there’s also the other side. I’ve learnt not to talk about families who have girls of shidduchim age because I realized that girls can either feel my way, or your way “yoya”. All I can say is that iyH this year should be a year that everyone who is in the parsha-no matter how old, should find their besert. May we all only have simchos.
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