am yisrael, first of all- I am so sorry that this time of year brings back sad memories for you. It must be so difficult! I do understand I think (even just a little bit) because a family member of mine passed away on chol hamoed Pesach a couple of years ago.
It feels liike it is a bittersweet time and atleast I feel this way that I have to put on a show for everyone that all is well and I am not struggling at all.
I have no idea about your question though, I just thought knowing that someone understands somewhat might make things a little easier or not easier but you might feel less alone.
A gut moed and again, I’m so sorry for your loss and hang in there!!