What I remember most about your post, is that I had no idea what “cognative dissonance” meant, and just clicked on the link to see what it was (and am glad I did).
Equally as glad to hear that you’ve found a place that you feel at home (both here in the CR and in your personal life).
As for your personal journey, its a part of who you are, not a liability to “deal with”. If anything, it makes you a better person, and one more suitable to handle the complexities and struggles that a meaningfull realtionship will incur.
How to choose a wife? Boy, if only I knew the secret to that.
With not much else to base my answer on, do what I did: date someone, and if you lose track of time, then you know you’re on to something.
From there, you’re on your own.
And again, welcome back!