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Ice you are not a loser!!, i know exactly where you are coming from i was my families black sheep i was their dirty little secret i was born with several challenges both physical and mental, i have always been a second class citizen in my family even today my siblings have no respect for me as a person, you are a worthy person who has so much to offer i know its hard i had to go to therapy for several years to deal with the kinds of issues you are struggling with, for me therapy was a life changing event that turned my whole world around i was able to see that i am a good person and i can be a member of society, do what you can to make yourself whole, your afraid of being ostracized even further for seeking therapy don’t let them stop you this is your life and you deserve to be happy.