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    that’s how I feel. no job, self esteem, no friends aside from hashem, have no energy to make them gave up years ago…, no decision what career I want. no life. just a cold, loneley bored empty soal. my family litrally ignores me and looks down upon me, I’m an outcast in my community, always treated like a nebbach case, even though deep down I’m very with it, noone ever gave me a chance in life. I feel like an utter looser before I even begin. I’m depressed miseraable, confused, bitter, lonely, sad, uncertain. i probably need help, but i’m not going to seek it cause I will be put down even more.


    Is someone describing me?


    oh im quite sure you dont feel like a looser…although that would make sense if you were a yoga instructor 😛


    A professional will not make you feel like a bigger loser. If you are a teen or in that vicinity, your life can easily still turn 360 degrees (or 180, which would even better). It’s not worth passing up the opportunity.

    Either way, if you won’t go for professional help let’s try this: You’ll join conversations here and exchange opinions on all matters. You’ll gain at least virtual friendsa which will boost your social self perspective.


    Ice you are not a loser!!, i know exactly where you are coming from i was my families black sheep i was their dirty little secret i was born with several challenges both physical and mental, i have always been a second class citizen in my family even today my siblings have no respect for me as a person, you are a worthy person who has so much to offer i know its hard i had to go to therapy for several years to deal with the kinds of issues you are struggling with, for me therapy was a life changing event that turned my whole world around i was able to see that i am a good person and i can be a member of society, do what you can to make yourself whole, your afraid of being ostracized even further for seeking therapy don’t let them stop you this is your life and you deserve to be happy.


    I thought you meant you were looser, like with your money or something, and I was going to suggest you tighten up if you feel the need (or send some my way). So you are saying you are a loser, as in the opposite of winner?

    That is not the case and I will prove to you why.

    As you know, Hashem created Adam from dust. That was not enough. Then He breathed into him the breath of life. A smart part of that moment means that something came from within Hashem and went into ‘man’, and gave man life.

    Logically, this means that as you speak, within you, there is something that is a part of the Creator.

    Look around! The One Above was not only able to handle that fiery sun and the the planets in the immense universe, He created them.

    The One Above was also able to allow you to look at these shapes (letters) in any array of any agreed upon combination, have them pass from the outside world through your eyes and into your mind, as if that was not enough, and gave you the ability to understand me as I sit here on the other side of your computer screen.

    The macro world and the micro world are truly miraculous, and all were made at the hand of the Creator, as we all know.

    Well, in short (although its too late for that), a very real piece of the Creator, a small piece of His fabric, if you will, is inside of you right now!!!

    Know this fact, and start feeling and acting accordingly.



    ” no …, self esteem, no friends “

    Well then, lucky for you, the CR is ready to spring into action. I’ll be back lunchtime with something more elaborite, but if its optimism and a support network you’re looking for, you have hit paydirt!

    And till then, cheer up!


    Try calling the Yitty Leibel Help Line

    (718) 435-7669


    you are part of Hashem and important to Him. That is all that matters. Trust me, I have to tell myself this at times too.



    Don’t listen to the people that tell you that this is where you will find friends. That is not going to remedy the situation, it will temporarily relieve the pain, if anything. You need to look inside yourself and address the problem at the source. Why do you feel this way? Can you pinpoint things your family does that make you feel like you are second class? If you can, reach out to them and tell them how you feel – I guarantee it will strike a chord with your parents and they will realize that they have been doing something very destructive. Then with the backing of your parents, you will IY’H turn your life around very quickly. You sound like you are still very young and have your whole life ahead of you, please don’t give up on life. And don’t think that if you seek help you will just be put down more. Speak to a Rebbe, maybe speak to a professional, I am sure they will not put you down.

    Hatzlacha Rabba.


    You alone have the power to change. No one else can change you or how you feel. Why do you care what others think? Do you think they care what you think about them? Probably not! So why is it so important to you what they think of you? If the people you know don’t give you the respect that you need, go out and find people that will. Change your attitude and you will change your friends. When you change your attitude you will attract the people you will better relate to and those who will respect you more and be the type of friend that deserves to have you in their life.

    Surround yourself with positive energy, negativity is not worth the time that is wasted on it.


    You wrote that no one ever gave you a chance in life. What chance was that that you would like to have had? Part of feeling good about yourself is also having goals and working towards them. You wrote that you haven’t made a decision what career you want. It can be hard to think of choices when you don’t feel good about yourself. it sounds like you might be waiting for a break; friendship, career inspiration, family support….

    I think you need to take the bull by the horns and decide that feeling sorry for yourself (however justified you may be to feel this way) will not make you feel better tomorrow. It’s up to you to begin. Choose something small. Decide that you want to change your life. Don’t sit home if you’re lonely. The healthiest people I know acknowledge that they need help and have seen therapists. Find support groups. There are a lot of lonely people in this world. You just have to find one of them and be there for them. You’re not alone in feeling lousy about yourself. You need to choose how you want to handle it.

    We develop our sense of self esteem when we are very young. It can be hard to repair this when you’re told that feeling good about yourself depends on “certain things” (careers, looks, money, marriage, etc). But, here’s the moment of truth. What do YOU want to be valued for?? Who do you want to be, and what are you doing to work towards that (that does not depend on other people)?

    It sounds like you might be too depressed to think straight and that you might need help. Call the Tikvah clinic (ohel). They see people on a sliding scale fee, so if you have almost no income, they’ll adjust the fee accordingly. You have to love yourself enough to want to help yourself and take the first step. When you’re feeling better, you’ll be able to plan better for yourself.


    I knew I should not have waited until lunch to respond to this. Now all the good advice has already been posted, and there’s nothing left for me to add.

    Ok, IC. You’re on the way to a new you. Enjoy the ride!

    Queen Bee

    Hi, Ice-cream uscream we all…

    If your family (and community) makes you feel really bad about yourself, maybe it’s time to leave them. It’s really important to stay away from all the negative people in your life and surround yourself with positive people. That’s hard when you don’t have a job, so take a few steps at a time. Forget about all your other obstacles and focus on getting a job for now. Apply everywhere and anywhere. Look online, in newspapers, wherever you can. Even to places you don’t want to work in. Then when you have enough, move away and build a better life for yourself. I know, it’s not easy, but if you’re determined to fix your life, you need to do it.

    And this goes for your other thread: I’m a nerd, too. I’m a dork. I’m not one to conform. But there are people who like that about me. And you know? A lot of people don’t. So what do I do? Nothing. If they don’t like me, they don’t like me and that’s okay, because I probably wouldn’t want them as my friend anyway. They are not my peeps. You have to embrace your nerdyness! Don’t be an embarrassed because you’re a little different.

    Oh and it’s okay to make friends here. Of course it doesn’t substitute for real friends, but maybe you won’t feel so alone.


    Go to your local library or go online, and find self help books that resonate within you. Read, read & read. If you’re a woman the book “Healing Your Emotional Self: A Powerful Program to Help You Raise Your Self-Esteem, Quiet Your Inner Critic, and Overcome Your Shame” by Beverly Engel may help you.


    Ice, so sorry you are feeling bad, I am in London, ( England) so cannot offer suggestions of where you could find help in the USA BUT all the others posting messages of support and suggestion have done just that.

    You would be amazed if you realised how many people feel the way you do. You have a right to be happy and you can help yourself to do that, dignity and self-respect come from within, you do not need the approval of others , you need to respect and approve yourself. Whether you are young or old it is never too late, people talk about their successes in life, not their challenges or feelings of inadequacy but we all have them. Life is precious and valuable, have you ever seen images of those facing hardship they have no power over, they are dealing with circumstances they cannot change. You CAN change yours, please contact one of the help groups so kindly mentioned by other posters and value yourself.

    ” deep down I’m very with it,” exactly! Point made! By you!


    I can not thank you all enough for this wonderful chizuck and advice.. You don’t know how much it all means to me!!! THANK -YOU again and a big Yasher Koach to you all!!!!! It’s really helped me tremendously.


    “It’s really helped me tremendously”

    Your welcome. And to show how much its helped, you can send each of us $10,000 (not per hour, a flat rate)

    Send mine care of YWN, Box 613, Lakewood, NJ 08701


    you think too lowly about yourself


    so… Ice-cream uscream we all….. are you really serious or are you playing with us? You have quite a few threads up already.

    I see you thank ppl for their advice and everything but i can’t help but wonder……

    if you’re for real, i apologize. but if not, i don’t think it’s funny.


    gefen – We call this a –TROLL–


    Gefen firstly thank you for the apology and secondly, where did that anti ice cream thread disappear to that you created??


    a troll is an idiot roaming the internet showing everybody how idiotic he can be


    Real brisker can you give me the definition of a troll??




    a troll is an idiot roaming the internet showing everybody how idiotic he can be


    So your definitely parcially a troll then, a) your roaming the Internet and b) you might be able to figure out for yourself..


    Everyone else I would like to thank you again, this anonymous place has really helped me tremendously!! Once again yasher koach!!


    ok so now were both trolls


    I’m leaning towards the Brisker mehalech.


    Ice-cream: my thread is still there, it’s just closed. anyway, i’m glad you’ve found the cr helpful.


    gefen;-yeah but your first attempt is deleted though…

    there’s a mishne that says, can’t remember where though, that people that get annoyed and frustrated by another person means they have those faults inside them themselves…. Hmmmm gefen I wonder….

    find your faults rectify them and I’ll disappear… or I’ll stop getting on your nerves..

    You have obviously found the CR helpful too, since you keep coming back… I’m glad it’s benefiting you!!


    ice – don’t analyze me please. if i need someone to analyze me, i’ll go to a therapist. now ur gonna tell me you have your phd,right? 😉


    gefen –

    Just ignore him, nothing will be gained from going back and forth like this. And btw you are well known here enough that no one would mistake you for a troll.


    Gefen; wrong 😉


    yitayningwut: thank you. and ur right – nothing will be gained. (am i really well known here?)


    gefen –

    Am i really well known here?

    Sure, at least I think so 🙂


    yitayningwut: thanks. sometimes i feel invisible so it’s nice to be noticed – but only if it’s in a good way – i wouldn’t want to be infamous 😉

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