“I denigrate them for creating ritual where chazal did not. I denigrate them for their accusations that chazal were backwards chauvinists.”
I don’t think an oneg Shabbos to welcome the birth of a baby girl is a ritual in the negative sense that you imply, but even if it were so, who says people have not created rituals that chazal did not? I do not believe Chazal were “backward chauvinists,” and no one should ever say such a thing, but there is nothing inherently wrong with this particular custom, any more than there is something inherently wrong in guys donning a Borsalino hat, white shirt, and black pants as part of their levush, a levush which clearly did not exist in times of Chazal. And if we want to talk about ritual that is “wrong” but not assur, what about boys eating cholent, clearly a Shabbos dish, on Thursday night? It has become a real ritual for many of them and since it is really meant for SHABBOS, it is so wrong for them to make it a Thursday night ritual.
We create little rituals in virtually every aspect of our lives (is there a halacha that one must drink a glesseleh schnapps on Shabbos by day, as so many men like to do – and feel “off” if they are somewhere where they cannot get the schnapps?). Some people throw pekelach at a bar-mitzvah bochur or chosson after his aliyah, we have the whole aufruf altogether and Shabbos Kallah. When did these things become halachos? (or am I mistaken and they are in fact halachos, in which case, please educate me). There are rituals and there are RITUALS. The little rituals are harmless and in fact more often, beneficial, in bringing people together. If there is no contradiction between the ritual and actual Halacha, then let’s not assume the reason for these rituals taking place is because it is a potch in panim to Chazal, chas v’chalilah, but rather merely a physical manifestation and expression of one’s emotions.
I did not make a simchas bas when any of my daughters was born. And I kinda regret that. It has nothing to do with feminism or chauvinism, and EVERYTHING to do with the fact that my daughters ARE as important and precious to me as my sons. So we made a kiddush. It was weeks after the fact, when the emotions and excitement were different from the way we all felt that first few days after the baby was born. It’s kind of like when some parents have their chosson and kallah take pictures together BEFORE the chuppah (a practice which appalls me, but which I have seen in some very frum circles). Maybe the badeken is still exciting, but not nearly as exciting as it would have been when it was the first time the chosson and kallah were seeing each other again. Anyhow, that’s my feeling.
As someone else said, let us all just be zochim to MAKE lots of simchas.