Reply To: Shidduch Crisis truer than we'd like to admit

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be good

Adams: It is a lot more difficult than you would think to point out something negative to a date. A girl on a date is in quite a difficult position. If she isn’t careful the guy could get very insulted, and the date can become very awkward, even when said very tactfully.

And, in my experience, it’s always easy to come up with suggestions and solutions after the fact. Very often, when one is in the situation as it is happening, it is very difficult to think clearly through the wave of pain and confusion that comes washing over you as it is happening.

And in the back of your mind, you don’t want to do or say anything that will be misconstrued or distorted and then get reported back to the shadchan, or worse, his 5 best friends.

If the relationship progresses, sometimes something can be carefully said, but again, it takes great presence of mind and very careful wording to know how and what to say.

Trust me, easier said than done.

O, and Pink- you are definitely NOT crazy- there are hundreds of girls out there who feel the same way. And yes, they are also getting the same ridiculous reactions from the marrieds around them (you are too picky, you need to look at the inside etc etc). Someone I know said that being single is the least understood Tsa’ar out there… don’t expect them to understand- they aren’t going to. But don’t let them make you feel like it’s somehow you’re fault or that you are doing something wrong. You are not, and there is nothing wrong with you. Trust your gut- G-d put it there for a reason.