Hi always runs with scissors.
Your topic is really touching on countless things that can be said that come from a well with no bottom. I dont know where to start, but will try to be brief and keep it to one topic.
I think people like us, and we need to talk about this, will always measure every moment of their day by contrasting where they came from, where they are, and where they are going.
For us, the “why” is huge. Our ability to question and think and wonder, BH, has brought us here, and we have no option but to go further. If we didnt think, we would not be here. No one does what we do because of convenience or ease. We do it because we came to believe and for meaning, in spite of the many obstacles, and then we develop a true love for what we do.
This is my view and is not meant to be pushed on anyone, but in my view, I never second guess what I am doing nor do I second guess my life experiences. They are all valid, meaningful, with many cherished experiences.
I remind myself that among our Avos, Avraham Avinu did not deal solely in a frum community. He expressed love for his son Ishmael, a “non-Jew”. Yitzchok Avinu raised and loved a child, Esav, who was “not Jewish”, and Yitchok Avinu’s own brother, again, Esav, was anyone but someone he would walk to shul with.
Additionally, Moshe Rabbeinu grew up among people who were not like him, and we learned Yosef, too, was not strictly living in a Boro Park or Lakewood.
Rashi had dealings with secular scholars of France regarding French linguistics. Rambam was a physician who did not deal exclusively with Jews on a day to day basis.
I can go on and on. Everything we have done is all valid and meaningfully defining our precious lives.
But I also would like to add that my personal view, and no one has to agree, is that it is better to be FFB. To me, as a teacher, and coming across kids who go OTD and seeing them without kippa, tzit tzis, eating treif, etc., and they talk to me about these things….. To me, when I look at them, the “frumness” is still in them. To me, they are frum kids having a problem.
Having said that, if I were to do the same thing, I would not see myself as a “frum” person who is having a problem. I have to stay on; all the time, and keep growing, with G-ds help, to feel I am expressing my love for Hashem, Torah, and Judaism and being Jewish.
That is my personal feeling and I may be wrong and I dont say that to discourage anyone. There is a lot to be said for what we do in trying to swim into a sea of infinite things to learn, do, and feel, because we believe it is the right thing to do. And, our obstacles are unique.
Have much have I written? I am probably contributing to global warming at this point..lol
Again, what you are doing and what you are doing for your wonderful family, makes you a true tzadeikas. Dont forget that. All of us benefit from how high you have climbed and the amazing good things you are adding to the pot that affect all of us. Hashem sees you and knows.
: D