We have all learnt that the world is a dangerous place, and that does not exclude the frum world towards our own children. We have all discussed the many why’s kids go OTD and the many issues that trouble kids today. Most of us if not all of us understand the depths of the dark paths that OTD kids plunge into and sadly even the very youngest of ages that unfortunately are also effected.
The miracles are and continue to be just how many B”H, come back and get their life back on track. Each one of you who found your yeshuas, and found someone you could trust and believe in to show you the truth, and help you reconnect with your faith and emunah in the one and only truth, Hashem, are amazing and strong young people because it took tremendous courage and hard work to overcome what you have gone through and do your best to put it behind you. No one goes OTD overnight, and no ones comes back overnight. It is a process and a work in progress and comes with its own baggage both ways. Those who have no experience will never fully understand or appreciate the strength and courage involved in the process. Nor would they understand the fear in losing one’s emunah and bitachon to begin with, one who does not understand believes that for the OTD community it is as simple to throw away one’s faith as it is to throw out the trash. They believe it is as simple as making a choice to either stay or leave. They don’t understand that it is a step by step process, with each blow, with each hurt and pain another layer is peeled away and shed. And it is the same when one comes back. One takes on another mitzvah, and one takes another step up the ladder towards true faith, Torah and mitzvos.
No one knows why each of us go through the nisyonos that we do. We are each sent along on our own journeys and we are each tested with our on trials and tribulations. Only Hashem knows why he does what he does. How we handle the test, how we manage the challenge is what makes us each who we are, the very unique person that we turn out to be.
When one looks for their zivug one should always keep in mind that Hashem is the one who chose our zivug for us. We should never look for someone that we think the community would want us to marry, or someone that fits in with the norm of where we live or what is expected of us. We should always thing of “Who am I? Who have I become and where am I heading? What kind of a spouse would support me in my values, in my goals and in my hopes and dreams?” What kind of spouse would support who you are. What kind of spouse would appreciate your strengths and help strengthen your weaknesses. What kind of spouse will complete you and make you whole.
Are you really looking for the cookie cutter mold? Are you really looking for the type that was just spit off the conveyor belt? Do you really need the size 2 anorexic who has been starving herself for dating, straightened her hair at the beauty parlor with chemicals and went to get her colors analyzed? Or are you really looking for a great mother for your children and a supportive wife for yourself even if you can see her sideways and she doesn’t have the face of a model? Does it really matter if she was a typical Bais Yaakov girl or she once carried the same baggage as you did? Or for that matter if she understands and appreciates you the most, does it even matter if she grew up in Malibu and she is an amazing Baalas Teshuva who will be the best mashgiach in your kitchen and the best mommy morah for your kids? Which one do you think Hashem has chosen for you?
You can open yourself up to all the possibilities and make the shidduch process less compelling, or you can bottleneck yourself into one close minded choice and join the many in the dating game. The choice is totally up to you.
moredDow, you have opened your eyes due to the advice that others have shared with you here. Now it is up to others to be as intelligent and open minded as you are. Hatzlocha rabbah and may you find the right one at the right time!