Gosh… High school is so hard. I can hardly believe anyone survives it!!!
I really feel for you. I never fit in much either. I had a group of friends that I stuck with, who got me through some hard times, but we were never close or anything. I was very cinical in hs about people in general… still am but it’s something that I’ve worked on so it’s a lot better b”H.
One thing you’ve got to realize when dealing with people is that in most cases, no matter how confident someone acts, chances are they’re just as insecure as you are. Nowadays, one of the biggest issues girls your age (and maybe just people in general… probably) have, I think, is low self esteem.
Still, often despite how low an opinion of oneself one has, he/she is actually a very good person. Sometimes it’s really hard to see… but you just have to look for it.
Maybe this shabbaton, try to focus less on yourself and what you feel you need and focus more on other people. Try and see the good in other people, especially the girls you find intimidating or just don’t like.
Get yourself something nice to wear, do your hair, be a little girly if that’s your thing, and try to just have fun. And in the case where you’re really not in the mood for people, make sure to bring a good book.
At the end of the day, your experience is what you make of it!! It’s all about your mindset. You can do this!!
And never forget, even at a time when you’re insecure and you feel all alone… (this is going to sound cheesey, but since I really feel it, I’m going to say it anyway…) just try and remember that G-d loves you and He will get you through this. It’s so hard to feel… but it’s so true…
Hatzlacha! Hope it goes well!!!