Actually WIY, I have. And actually WIY the ideal thing to do is to help them minimize their anxiety and point out that in many cases that what they are feeling is normal, and that others can and do feel the same. What you are doing is blowing it out of proportion and assuming that she can’t handle it when it fact with the proper support it is very possible she can. So please don’t lecture me or give advice that is inappropriate or that you have no backup or professional experience to give.
It is totally appropriate to help anyone with anxiety to relate to what it is they are anxious about and to try to break that down into manageable pieces. That is NOT missing the boat. Maybe you are making more of this than the OP is and you are imposing your friends issues onto this one. The OP came here for advice and I and others are offering different options for her to assess and choose from. These are choices that she can choose to make or not. It is NOT up to YOU to decide for her if they are worth her while to try or whether or not this is something she can accomplish on her own. She has already accomplished quite a bit by having friends to begin with. Your perspective on the subject is quite different than the other posters so it is you that has to take a step back and re-evaluate where you are coming from and why you are having such a strong reaction here.
The key is to have the right support to get one through any difficult situation. With social anxiety having one or two friends to surround yourself with creates a safe haven to allow one to function in a group whether one chooses to go further outside that group or just remain within that parameter. Knowing that you have those friends by your side allows you the comfort to know you have who to talk to, who to rely on to keep a conversation going if approached by others, etc. That allows you to step out into the world and not be a hermit in your own home. So telling your friends that you are a bit anxious about the event and working on a buddy system is a safe way to go. We adults do it all the time “can you pick me up on your way to shul?” or “stop by my house on the way to the kiddush and we can go together”. We all have a sense of anxiety or even shyness at times and we use this technique to help ourselves out of awkward social situations.
I don’t know why you are jumping out of your skin and making a huge bid deal out of this WIY. These are normal and effective techniques that anyone can learn and apply. The OP will learn these tips and can choose to try them out now if she wants to or if she feels comfortable doing it. These are only suggestions to help her out and she will know if she can apply them to her situation or not. Only she can judge if they are shayach NOT you and not I. I can only offer them.
One more thing that I am going to say. When you or anyone takes an attitude such as you did with me it only serves to push people away from the CR. I have to say that I am sick and tired of it. No matter how you feel and no matter how important it is what you wish to relate, it is important to say it in a kovadik manner. Whether you like the poster or what they say is irrelevant to the derech eretz and kovod we each have to show to one and other here. There are way too many wonderful posters who have already left and believe me I have already taken too many punches and am quite fed up already. I too have learned to take it easy here and not react too quickly and I too have learned to filter and not get involved in threads that I have no or little experience in. I try to keep my emotions out of it and keep relating to the poster in the way they need to be related to in order to bring about an agreeable outcome even if we choose to agree to disagree in the end.
We here are mixed company and mixed generations. We each have different life experience and different levels of knowledge and education. We all have something to contribute in various capacities. No one should be treated disrespectfully and no one should be made like they don’t belong here. If you don’t like what someone posted you have the option to disagree, but you don’t have the right to be rude. You NEVER have the right to be rude, and it is rudeness that has chased away so many wonderful people who have given of themselves in so many ways.
If you noticed I was not one of the first posters here and there was a reason for it. I have been holding back lately. I really didn’t want to post on this thread and waited for others to post first. I did eventually want to give this girl some chizuk and then you came along with your sucker punch. So I say this to you. I disagree with you. I do have more experience than you, and I stand by my suggestions to her. She can apply them or not it is her choice not yours. As far as posting or offering further assistance here on the CR, it is young people like yourself who think they always know better that chase people like myself away out of sheer frustration and yes, even pain, who came here with their own knowledge and experience to help others here asking and searching for answers.