The Shidduch “Crisis” is a constant discussion in my home as my wife has many friends (of various hashkofos) who are still searching for their husband. So many people and organizations want to help, but I’m not sure any of us know how.
I am sure we have all identified causes, but I wonder how many of these causes are actually symptoms of the problem. For example (I know some may not agree with the age gap but for sake of illustration I am going to use it): Age gap – guys only want to marry younger girls so there are more girls who ‘miss’ their prime age. But perhaps this is caused by the stigma that an older girl receives once she ‘misses’ the ‘ideal’ age. It becomes very circular. And I won’t begin to mention that in the secular world most marriages are also comprised of an older man and younger women. Using this as only one example I think it is very hard to identify causes and effects.
The next point that often graces our table is the labeling as a “crisis”. I have heard that certain rabbonim refuse to use the word “crisis”. They feel that calling it a crisis is merely admitting a lack in emuna. At the same time I know many rabbis who privately will refer to it as a crisis but publicly will not. Have there been any gedolim who have openly come out and declared it a crisis? Do we have reshus to call it a crisis if they have not?
My third and final idea that I would like the Olam to consider and comment on, what are acceptable courses of action. As I said before without knowing clearly what the causes are it is very difficult to treat the problem. So what can we do to manage the symptoms? A member of my family is of the very strong opinion the barriers (mechitzahs so to speak) should be brought down. Bochur tables and single girl tables at weddings should not be across the room from each other. Or more mixed Shabbos tables to help break down the lack of communication. I disagree on this point and if someone would like me to explain why I will be happy to. Does shidduch dating need to be completely revamped? Perhaps the ‘rules’ changed?
I hope klal yisroel can quickly get throw this. Grow in our emuna bitachon and hishtadlus, and everyone who is searching for their bashert find him/her quickly. And we as a people can, as we have before, rise from this adversity and become stronger and more united as we prepare for mashiach and binyan beis hamikdash.