DY Thank you for your comments and quotes.
I am NOT recommending unsupervised socialising! Chatting at a communal shabbaton or shul kiddush seem supervised controlled natural environments for a refined exchange.
Of course there is so much to admire in the yeshivish world, I am sure that is why so many kids from MO homes are drawn to yeshivish way of life, I as a parent support that and have seen it happen in my own back yard with PRIDE.
BUT there are problems in our communities as a whole which owe a lot to segregating the sexes from even exchanging a polite word to each other AND also being obsessed with material wealth. Yes it is an issue affecting our people we need to address. Shidduchim are affected by wealth and status, always have been and yes that is life, but for hundreds of years, Torah fearing men did not look at a partner and future mother of their children as a means of financial support.
To differentiate between young girls of 21 and 23 and use money as an incentive to find a match seems downright offensive. Yes shadchanim have always had a role and should be properly renumerated when so agreed, but a charitable organisation charging big bucks to get older girls married is basically saying money is the decisive factor. Just think of the message being sent out to the young, money talks! Yes it does in the goyish world but we are Jews and our Torah is not about big business it is about kavod, hesed and rachamim.
People wish to compare shadchanim to other services around, well in my family we are involved in law and medicine, when we come across a fellow Jew in dire straits urgently seeking our help, we do not CHARGE them. Simple.
i have been really shocked by the materialism I have encountered as some of our brethen eat in soup kitchens. I am not saying live like beggars but a bit of kavod to our fellow Jews instead of trying to keep up with the latest thing. Why does the Nasi scheme seems unsavoury? Because of how money and advantage will be used to influence and secure a shadchan’s efforts. Even more upsetting is the realisation a caring organisiation pandies to greed and business by offering bigger bucks to help match the more ” difficult older girls”. What happened to basic decency and helping someone out.