Hi Sam2.
You made a lot of good points, but I have to say I know I am the same person no matter how I dress. I am not projecting anything. That is the response I get. Nothing is imagined.
I will tell you the same community has many families “afraid” of goyim, in the same way. Also, when I had a guest visit me with a nice, pet dog, and they needed to walk it, people were fearful and went to the other side of the street.
Additionally, a lady came out of her door and yelled at us that they don’t have dogs around here and the kids were throwing rocks.
These few things; “goyish” dress, pet animals, are dealt with differently in a frum community because of some cultural norms that have developed. Again, nothing is imagined.
I have to share with you that my search into Torah is primarily for the spiritual, the social aspect has many beautiful things, too, but also I have experienced things and heard ideas from some people that are thoroughly rude and unacceptable.
Sometimes, some of the people and the religion they represent are not in sync. But for me, that has nothing to do with the truth and beauty and awesomeness of Hashem and Torah.