lightitup, you have to leave these things aside. judiasm does not call for you to psycho-analyze under a microscope such dim concepts such as basherts and worthiness and true zivug and yetzer haras. we are not meant to understand nor do these things work in a scientific way that allow you to work equations and get answers. in fact, there is no human that give you right answers to these questions. in the end, trying to figure this out will make it harder for you to get anything done and can also drive you insane.
i suggest you work on being the best you can and then follow your heart, your brains and the people you trust (in that order). anything else said on the topic is a complete waste of time and can only be detrimental.