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A thought for my fellow esteemed CR posters…
Im just curious to hear your feedback. This is something I was wondering on my own, that I came up with.
Im single in my mid to upper 20’s so this is nogieah to me. I know that when someone married someone who is truly Bashert for them, the opportunity for close connection, bringing G-DS presence into the home and growing with eachother is present. I am aware that there are many different ideas to what is “Bashert” and I dont need to touch on that.
However are there different levels so to speak of people that I can marry? And only if I am worthy, through good deeds, Bitachon and prayer, will I marry the one who is the true Zivug, on the highest level? When the potential for 2 great people to marry eachother exists, with them together building a strong home filled with growth and spirituality, does the Yezter Harah try to get involved in any way it can and try to stop this from happening?
And the Yezter Harah can be sucessful and therefore quite a few people end up marrying the one who is not best for them for various reasons…?
Is there such concepts as I wrote above? What are your thoughts on this?
lightitup, you have to leave these things aside. judiasm does not call for you to psycho-analyze under a microscope such dim concepts such as basherts and worthiness and true zivug and yetzer haras. we are not meant to understand nor do these things work in a scientific way that allow you to work equations and get answers. in fact, there is no human that give you right answers to these questions. in the end, trying to figure this out will make it harder for you to get anything done and can also drive you insane.
i suggest you work on being the best you can and then follow your heart, your brains and the people you trust (in that order). anything else said on the topic is a complete waste of time and can only be detrimental.
The Yetzer Hora definitely tries to convince people to marry those who will not be the best ones for their ruchniyus.
Your job is to overcome personal bias and try to marry someone who will best help you in your avodas Hashem.
Just don’t make the mistake that Chizkiyohu made, trying to outsmart haShem and not get married, because of various concerns he had.
Your job is “Get Married” & leave the Cheshbonos up to haShem.
If Chizkiyohu haMelech was not up to making acceptable Cheshbonos, with all due respect to you, you surely aren’t.
I like besalel’s advice.
But:
1)I disagree with your order. Following a heart which is not directed by the brain can lead to some pretty nasty consequences.
2)There is certainly a place in Judaism for analyzing such questions. They deepen your understanding, and therefore appreciation, for your beliefs. I agree that one should not attempt to use them to guide their life, because you cannot know where you are truly holding, and how those principles apply to you.
I once heard that a person can have 7 zivugim. One is not necessarily the highest and none are necessarily higher than another, just a different fit based on where you are holding at that time. Like a person from a non-frum background would marry one person but once that person becomes a ba’al teshuva, obviously that person is no longer appropriate for them (unless they also do teshuva, but that’s a different story). The whole goal is to reach “your potential” which obviously can grow and change depending on what is happening in your life at that time.
Don’t get too involved with stopping the YH, I don’t think you have the power, but daaven that you should have clarity to know which is the right situation for you.
Hatzlacha in your journey and may you find your zivug soon!
Its important to understand that when ur looking for a person thatll best help you in ur ovodas Hashem (daas yachid) its the same person that you really like and enjoy.
A healthy marriage has enough tests and tough times, make sure ur marrying someone you really like and enjoy being around. Yes, make sure you like they’re appearance its important. These things aren’t a stira to helping you in ur avodas Hashem rather, they are the assisters to it. Hashem created marriage to be a wonderful union where husband and wife become as close as two humans can, make sure this person is a good candidate for that. Now, you’ll feel closer after ur married and with time it will increase, no doubt. Make sure however, that you feel the initial attraction to this person where you can see it getting even better and stronger.
lightit- this is good question. Iv thought about that often and I try to force myself not to cuz it can drive me crazy and nothing positive comes from these thoughts. (for me anyways.) Now that my thoughts r here tho im gonna vent em. (buckle up, theres alot coming.) People marry people who are in ther opinion “less worthy” then them. (usually they would find that out after the Chupah..Surprise!!) They r still ur Bashert. We r born and put here to work and achieve. It seems like it would make sense to G-d that in order to build the best home possible we would get a spouse who is on the same level as us and will encourage and refine is in a way that is easy breezy and beautifull. Nah, sometimes it takes the the oposite in order for us to achieve that goal. There r so many couples who work with what they have in marriages (as opposed to what they feel they deserve..) and THAT brings them closer and stuff. Just like our life circumstances r bashert- whether they push u away or pull u up.. thats ur choice and that becomes ur Tafkid. Not the goals u think u should have, but within the life u r given, thats how u flow. Bashert is regardless and thats not our business to poke r heads into. Now the whole thing with Zivugim is so confusing and I definately dont know anything about. So basicly what i think is- B the best u, be deserving of the guy on ur list, and after that, its out of ur hands!!
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