MiddlePath: yep. there comes a point where you have to ask yourself which you care more about: your image, or fellow jews. she makes us look bad, yes, but whats the point in vilifying her? i wish she were frum, i wish she could see the beauty in judaism, why would i vilify her?
i work with kids like this every night and the only way to help them is to love them unconditionally, no matter what they have done, and no matter how stupid their mistakes. you love them unconditionally, help them when they ask for it, lead by example, and hope that one day they appreciate it. your image is irrelevant, your only concern is their well-being.