aproudbyg: just like there are very many non-weirdo posters here such as myself who would love to sit and talk with you and offer our advice and help, so too in real life there are also many people who would be so happy even just to have an initial informal shmooze with you and then either help you or pass you on to someone whom you can get all the anonymous help you need. But it should not be done with anonymous well meaning strangers online where it is impossible to get a true, comprehensive picture of your situation and you have no real clue who you are talking with.
Use your junk email in a letter or email to someone you know and trust eg a young rav or someone in education, tell them your feelings without revealing your identity and ask them to email you back with someone who can help you anonymously.
There are so many caring people in every kehilla. Your helper is out there waiting for you. You need only to take the first step of establishing contact. Let us know how you get along!