As a mother of a few sons, some having completed the “shidduch process” (and happily married), some still single and dating or soon to be, I have received and continue to receive a lot of resumes, or profiles, or bios, or whatever sounds less offensive to you. I have been busy with this since back in the day when shidduch resumes were not invented yet. I must say, the situation today being what it is, I think they are helpful and do not have to be hurtful or insulting to either young men or ladies. They just consolidate, in an organized the fashion, the info that I used to hastily scribble on whatever paper was handy; i.e. girl’s name, parents name, basic info on parents, siblings’ names and ages, machatonim (if applicable), shul and Rav, schools, camps, education etc of girl, grandparents (if applicable), and other relevant info. My sons & I never like the resumes with the often silly description of the young person in question, even when they try to pass it off as having been composed by a third party. Description of physical attributes (- slim, pretty, hair color etc) draw the most amusement & scorn from my boys, and the other superlatives & adjectives are most definitely NOT an attraction. Girls often come off sounding a bit foolish trying to describe their ideal mate as well. It is probably a good idea to describe what you envision in your future- a long-term Kollel life and te sacrifices it entails, a husband with an education/ profession, or whatever the case may be. If you describe the all inclusive idea of wanting a husband who may be a long or short term learner, in college or working etc etc, the reader will realize you have a brain full of fluff, no convictions, and juat want that diamond ring (!!) so try to be specific & clear. Keep it brief and to the point. We don’t want to hear about your good Middos. Yes it is true that good middos are a major (maybe THE major) component of a successful marriage & a happy home, but the person who dates you will ahve to figure it out for himself, or if he is lucky, through the candid comments of someone who gives info about you. For my part, I never ask anyone, “Does she have good middos?”; it’s like saying, “is she pretty?”- Nobody says, “No” even when the opposite is true. As for a photo, the majority of the resumes i receive do not include one. I’m not totally comfortable with the idea, but a small photo of you looking natural (not professionally prepped with gallons of make up & hair done) might not be a bad idea. One reason everyone ignores for the fact that boys get so many resumes and girls get so few names is the current system where shadchanim redt to the boy first, and pass on the info to the girl only after the boy has agreed to a date. This began by trying to protect the poor sensitive girls from receiving a “no” from a shidduch proposal (erroneously assuming that girls are so sensitive they can’t handle it, and boys don’t care- both totally incorrect!); however, we are not likely to change the status quo, and the mess that has evolved does it make it necessary for you to put yourself forward with a nice resume. Include pertinent info (a date of birth is helpful, and I find usually ommitted by persons of a certain age), type it up neatly & professionally, and leave out the long winded stories about how wonderful you are and what a mentsh you want. That’s where dating comes in! Daven for clarity and the clear understanding to make a good decision! Wishing you much hatzlacha!
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