awarenessvaad-
It sounds nice but I don’t buy it. I agree with the PROBLEM, but disagree with the REASON.
Quote,
“Accordingly, if I have never EXPERIENCED MY OWN NEEDS its impossible to give my spouse their needs since I am not in touch with the concept of NEEDS!!!!!!!!”. End quote.
Oh, please! I SO disagree! Do you really think people are so out of touch with reality?? How many people in our day and age are SO FAR-FRUMPT that they ONLY HAVE HASHEM’S NEED ON THEIR MIND and have ZERO IDEA WHAT THEIR NEEDS ARE?! What planet are you on? What kind of people are you talking about here, malachim?? Are people on such high madreigos that they can’t understand mortal needs, only that of the DIVINE?
With all due respect, i would like to suggest that ONE OF the REASONS why people aren’t GIVING in a maariage, is simply because they are not being realistic, and think and live with the concept that we were raised with , that “they got married and lived happily ever after….” That everything is beautiful and lalala from the wedding and on….
Perhaps in yeshiva they were taught the IDEA of GIVING, the IDEA of selflessness, the IDEA of being mevater, but they were NOT taught of the STRUGGLES and HOW to have a ‘SUCCESSFUL FIGHT” with one’s spouse. “The shtender doesn’t fight or talk back to you!”, my rebbi used to say. How does a bochur coming from yeshiva know how to handle life’s pressures of financing, and dealing with a wife with not-such-good-middos? Marriage is hard, and it is a struggle, but one can reap the most beautiful benefits if he grows, is mature, is focused, and stays in touch with reality. I think people are unrealistic and EXPECT happiness, and EXPECT financial problems to work THEMSELVES out, they EXPECT to live happily ever after. And when it DOESN’T WORK OUT, when things aren’t as they seemed, and the wife isn’t the queen you thought, they get into fights and want OUT. Nowadays people are so ungrateful, sometimes because they expect favors, they expect you to buy them something etc. Someone wrote in the CR how a woman never said thank you after they held a store door open for her as she pushed her baby carriage inside.
People I think are very insecure, helpless, and clueless when life hits them with problems and nisyonos.
And marriages are the greatest example.