Reply To: what people look for in shidduch dating

Thanks for the responses…NOMTWicked, thanks, that’s very encouraging. But interjection, I’m not sure whether to laugh or cry at yours Haha.

What Czar said kinda leads into my next question. I had this discussion with a friend of mine who also posts on CR sometimes. It seems like when we are young and still in the Torah education system we are on a much higher level than a few years after we leave. By that point we kind of reach our “equilibrium”, where we aren’t what we used to be when we were in our specific Torah system, but we are at our natural independent madrega, and hopefully growing.

What are your opinions on trying to date someone who is on a slightly “higher level” than you, to help you bring out your best side? Not someone who’s too far ahead, but just enough to tip you over your equilibrium state, to a point where you are still comfortable. I mean this as opposed to dating someone who makes you feel comfortable doing things or acting in ways that you want to grow out of. Not necessarily grossly terrible things, but just areas that you want to grow in. Do you think its fair to the other person? Is it honest to be “on your best behavior”? How do we ever know if our shidduch isn’t a totally different personality than what we are seeing?