What is holding you back from getting a filter installed?
I believe some geder must be implemented if, as advised, you will not confront your husband. It seems clear that something has to change, and if it will not be as a result of direct talks, it must be through direct action, i.e. implementation of filtering. Many people use split passwords for filter overrides. The husband has half the password and the wife has the other half.
Be kind to yourself and don’t blame yourself for his mistakes. This is not about you – much as it pains you and you are affected, you have one nisayon here, and he has another, and there is a difference.
Please find a rebbetzin or teacher or someone in a position to mentor with whom you have a good connection, and who you feel can support you through this. It is possible to rebuild a marriage that has suffered a blow. “Hazorim bedima berinah yiktzoru”.
I wish you much hatzlacha.
@some posters…
I’m sorry to see so much bad advice and unsupportive comments. For a woman, this is devastating. Try to imagine how you would feel if your best friend pulled off a Madoff job, add to it the nature of a woman and what she seeks in marriage, and you might have a bit more compassion in your response.